you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
