i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fuck appropriateness.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
