the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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