If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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