and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
