I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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