Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
