Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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