Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
