google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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