I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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