If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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