Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night