cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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