Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
