No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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