It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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