omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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