my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
