It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
