Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
