we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
