I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
