His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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