My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We are all done wearing pants today
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
