haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
