please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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