I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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