my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
