He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
