Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
