I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
