I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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