New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
