Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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