You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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