Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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