my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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