This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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