i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
