He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
