he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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