I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
