i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
