Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
high people should be assigned attendants
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
