theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
