We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
