shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
