Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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