If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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