don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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