I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
