Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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