I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
