My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
