Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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