Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
