i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
