If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
