I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
