ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
