i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
