I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
