She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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