Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
