i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
look no pants
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Randomize
