so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
