Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
