You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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