you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
