Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
