You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
