Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
